Pocahontas

My English interpretation

Baggage is the only thing that we seem to share anymore.

Every time we sit on the curb waiting for your bus to come and take you away, it hurts a little more. I don’t know how much more my heart can take. That lonely walk home absolutely kills me. And even though we’ve said our goodbyes, there is no escaping you. The moment I open the door, I’m reminded of you by everything you’ve left behind. And all of this baggage is getting just a bit too heavy. I’m not sure I can carry it anymore.

The worst part is knowing the only reason we still see each other is so you can come back and pick all of it up. But I haven’t moved any of it. I haven’t packed it away. Because if I did, that would mean letting go of you. And the truth is I’m still holding on. I’m holding on to you. And the longer I hold on to you, the heavier it gets. So heavy that it feels like if I keep carrying it, something inside me is going to break.

I sit on the curb after the bus pulls away, asking myself the same question: How do we just walk away after everything we’ve been through? And the sad part is I already know that whatever the answer is, it’s a terrible reason to keep holding on. But somehow I still am. Because although it may be over for you, it’s not for me. You may already be gone, but I’m stuck wondering if I mean anything to you at all anymore. Behind closed doors, what would you call me? An old friend? Your ex? Or have I become nothing at all?

Eventually I get up, walk home, and lie down in my own bed. But the questions follow me there. I stay up half the night carrying the weight of you around in my head. And the last question I ask myself before I fall asleep is always the same: Whose bed are you sleeping in tonight?

Pocahontas, I am sorry. I truly am. I know I’m not blameless. I know I played my part. I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry, and I sure hope you know that, Pocahontas.

I’m not hanging on, but I can’t let go either.

And tomorrow I’ll probably be sitting on that same curb again, waiting for your bus.

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